I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
