hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Randomize
