Sry I called you an 8
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
