now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
