ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm experimenting with sincerity
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
