we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
