When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
