My boss' voice literally gives me gas
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
