you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
