I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
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