this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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