I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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