i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
