u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
