Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Randomize
