I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
