you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
