Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
