she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
