i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
