I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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