and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
