He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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