Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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