Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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