I wish I could teleport
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
