Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I need a burrito and a hug.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
