u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
