just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
