i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
