Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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