Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
