Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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