Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
