I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
