obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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