I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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