Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize