Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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