Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
