I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
