i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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