I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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