Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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