His pubic hair was longer than his dick
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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