you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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