this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
