worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
That was before I lit my hair on fire
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
