she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
