I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i think i have two assholes
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
